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| have you ever done something where at that moment, it seems to be logical and right? but now, thinking back you feel deeply remorse?
i dunno, i've been having a hard time sleeping at night lately because when i think of it, the thought lingers on my mind and i can't seem to rest well. i guess a part of me, wish that i can go back and change things. the part the hurts the most is that i unintentionally hurt someone close to me. someone who stood by me thru thick and thin no matter what. someone who was there to listen to me cry, bitch, and rant. i never realized how hurt i may have caused her--until now. i want to apologize for it, but i don't know how to say it. i know what's done is done, but a part of me will never forgive myself.
i know i can't give her back that happiness...and i know she will never truly be happy again. and it was never my intention for that to happen at all. i would give anything to have things the way back to how it was before. my actions have made us distant from eachother. i don't know what was going thru my mind...
i'm just in disbelief that all of this has happened. i'm so sorry. | | |
| this past weekend was the first weekend in a long time that i didn`t work overtime. at least, i was productive during my time off. holly and i went to alot of places to buy stuff to make the favors for the baby shower--and we are no where close to being done. hopefully, we`ll be done before the baby shower on april 5th. not to mention, honey and i gotta go take some maternity pictures for the invitations, hopefully, we`ll do that this weekend. yesterday, we went to baby r us to shop for jadian--we bought him some hats and mitts. i can`t wait until he gets here...i`ve been feeling more tired lately, because he`s more active now...and everywhere i go seems to be a far distance now. haha! oh yeah, i scratched another one of my bf`s rims.  i know, you`re wondering how...but i`ll explain more later. | | |
| my bf`s niece is just too cute. i went to lunch with my niece earlier today and we stopped by the bubble-tea place to grab something to drink. as we were crossing the street, i saw my bf`s niece with her classmate...she ran up to me and gave me a hug, but before she left she touched my stomach and said, "bye, baby." ahaha. cute... i can`t believe that i am almost 31 weeks now. and it`s crazy, because i can feel him move more during the day time now. i`m sure he probably did move before, but i never notice it because i move around alot. last night, as i was sleeping, i was hugging my bf and i can hear him say, "i think he just kicked me in my back."  does anyone have this issue besides me? my bf has the tendency to talk to me when i`m asleep. and i would answer him as i`m sleeping, so when i wake up in the morning, i always feel like i was either dreaming or i did talk to him...even when i told him, "honey, stop talking to me when i`m sleeping." the next day, he would stop and the following day, he goes back to talking to me when i`m sleeping. ugh, men! truth to the matter is, i`m quite honest when i`m asleep and talking when i`m being spoken to...hence, the reasons why i try not to answer my phone when i`m deep asleep. subconsciously, i am honest because i want you to get off my ass and let me go back to sleep. haha. | | |
| i feel like i have so many things to do within the next month. - refinance loan - need to get the registration, license, insurance and everything together
- start boxing my stuff and move over to the other house before april 1st, which reminds me, need to tell the landlord that i`ll be moving
- need to forward my mail and get a PO box, gotta figure out where would be convenient for me
- another ultra-sound appointment with the dr next week
- must fill out hospital admitting paperwork
- should be hearing from the university within the next week or two about my admission
it looks like i have to put everything on hold for now, because i have to work overtime and won`t have any free time until next week, preferably after my dr`s appointment on wednesday. hopefully, everything will start coming together in april. baby shower, my birthday, officially moved out, need to start getting the stuff for the baby. =) not to mention, the baby will be here in may. yikes! | | |
| has this ever happened to you? when you are feeling sad or depress about something, you shop for things you probably don`t need? well i have--except i`m not buying it for myself. the last time, i was depressed i bought an apartment full of furniture and made my apartment look like "home." ahaha. one of my sister is going thru what i went thru before. she is in the process of leaving her bf because he`s not putting out his end of the bargain--not to mention, she is going to have a baby, too. many of my family members think that it`s just a phase that she`s going thru, where she`s gonna eventually take him back, but i don`t think she would. you can only put so much into a relationship before you realize it`s not going where you want it to be. so out of the spur moment and work-related stress, i bought my sister a purse. this would be her first real purse, aside from my old purses that she would ask for.  i know that she would be appreciative and at the same time, it`s just a nice gesture to do for another person when their emotional spirit is not all there, you know. | | |
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